


the gentlest feeling, (you are) the bluest light

by Henanigans



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Ficlet, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 04:41:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20076313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Henanigans/pseuds/Henanigans
Summary: This is set in a vague time after June 12, 2019 so just tread carefully if you’re not into fics that rely heavily on canon events.Title from Blue Light by Bloc Party





	the gentlest feeling, (you are) the bluest light

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in a vague time after June 12, 2019 so just tread carefully if you’re not into fics that rely heavily on canon events. 
> 
> Title from Blue Light by Bloc Party

_ Awake? _

It takes Hanbin three seconds for his brain to churn out a reply, ‘can’t really sleep,’ before his phone chimes a second time.

_ Stupid question. Sorry.  _

_ I hope you’re eating. You better be eating. _

Hanbin’s own smile catches him off-guard because he can picture Jinhwan’s nose wrinkling and his brows furrowing in disapproval. 

_ We’re all still upstairs. I think everyone’s asleep now. Or at least pretending to be.  _

Hanbin checks the clock. He’s not all that surprised that he’s completely missed dinner. Dawn approaches but Hanbin can’t stomach anything aside from a few sips of water.

_ The whole living room floor’s been covered in duvets and comforters all day. Yunhyeong can’t remember where we stashed our sleeping bags for some reason. _

Hanbin thinks that’s a bit odd because Yunhyeong has an almost encyclopedic knowledge of their stuff in the house, knows where the spare toothbrushes are and has every pack of ramen accounted for in the kitchen

_ I’m not the only one who thinks that’s weird, right?  _

Right. Hanbin smiles again, another miracle.

Hanbin’s phone completely dims and he thinks that’s all he’s going to get from Jinhwan tonight.

_ I miss you.  _

_ We all do. _

Hanbin shifts in his bed, hoping the movement would dislodge the sudden tightness in his chest and the concrete block over where his heart is. His fingers itch to type out a reply but his phone trills, much longer this time, and it takes a moment for him to realize that Jinhwan is calling him. 

“Hello?”

The order line crackles when Hanbin switches on his phone’s speaker. 

“Hanbin? Are you there?”

Hanbin takes a loud intake of breath but the words get trapped in his throat. 

“You don’t,“ Jinhwan starts, sounding hesitant, “you don’t have to talk.” 

Hanbin settles deeper into the mess that is his bed and tangled sheets, propping his phone between his chin and his chest.

“I just wanted to know that you’re—“ Hanbin hears Jinhwan laugh, but it’s a broken sound, more akin to a sob. “Just wanted to know you’re alive.”

Abruptly, the line goes silent. Jinhwan is still on the other line but there’s no longer that static hum in the background since Hanbin picked up the call.

Panic rises in Hanbin’s throat but his anxiety gets tempered when the line clicks back to normal and he can hear Jinhwan breathing on the other line again.

“I don’t know what to do but we’re in this together, right? You and me. And all of us. We’re in your corner. Always.”

Jinhwan’s voice sounds thicker, sounds like he suddenly has a cold and a stuffy nose. Hanbin knows better but waves the thought away. For self-preservation.

Hanbin wipes at his eyes, focuses on steadying his breaths. He hears Jinhwan hide a sniffle with a cough. Hanbin would normally tease him during times like these, maybe even make fun of himself, but doesn’t trust his voice not to crack while doing so. 

It’s quiet for a long stretch, but it’s not an unwelcome kind of silence. Hanbin is alone, that much he’s aware of while he pans his sight at the bare state of his childhood bedroom with only the moonlight keeping him company. Hanbin is alone but for a brief few moments it doesn’t feel so lonely. 

  
  


#######

  
  


The next time Hanbin opens his eyes, there’s sunlight cutting through the slats of his window blinds and his phone’s battery is down to 7%. Hanbin wakes to four messages, all from the same person. He smiles, and he thinks this one smile will take and last him for at least half the day.

_ As usual, you’re the first to fall asleep.  _

_ Sweet dreams, Hanbin. _

_ Even if it’s endless _

_ Even if it’s tearful _

_ Waiting is happiness to me _

_ But no goodbyes, you asshole. No goodbyes. _

  
  
  


  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Written a month ago because writing has always been cathartic for me and this little writing exercise helped a bit with coping with reality. Dumping it here for posterity.
> 
> 2nd to the last text from Jinhwan is a direct quote from iKON’s Everything (I KNOW. I AM A SAP) and that last text is there because... well, just read all the lyrics to Everything and you’ll see.


End file.
